27 November 2008

A History Of Thanksgiving :: A Comical Look At Thanksgiving

A History of Thanksgiving

1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.

1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.

1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.

1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.

1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.

1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."

1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.

1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.

1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.

1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.

1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.

1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around.

1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.

1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.

2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. Saddam Hussein is caught trying to smuggle Turkeys filled with WMD's in containers bound for the US.


04 November 2008

Matric Dresses - How Old Matric Dresses Saved The Year

By Kanina Foss (Story originally from www.iol.co.za)

A simple idea has turned a stressful situation into a fairytale for 18 schoolgirls from Soweto who were facing their matric dances without enough money to buy dresses.

Fairy godmother Michelle Lissoos was approached by a cleaner at her company who told her she couldn't afford to make her daughter's big night as special as she deserved.

Lissoos, who - when she's not making matric girls' dreams come true - is the managing director of Learnthings Africa, knew that many of her friends had old dresses, shoes and jewellery that they never wore.

She put two and two together to come up with a plan that gained a surprising amount of momentum as more women heard about it.

"The women really rose to the occasion. They have things in their cupboards that they don't want to throw out, but they are happy if they know it's going to a good cause," she said.

The dresses started arriving - slinky gold silk, cheeky turquoise frills, full-bodied ball gowns, seductive crushed velvet and floral beaded bodices.

The accessories came too - strappy sandals with sexy high heels, and glittery handbags with delicate clasps.

In Soweto, word spread, and Lissoos started getting calls from other mothers who had daughters in matric.

"One mother started crying when she saw her baby all dressed up," Lissoos said.

On Sunday, 12 of the girls visited Lissoos together to choose their dresses. Lissoos wanted to make the experience like shopping at a boutique.

The dresses were hung on a rail and the shoes and accessories were neatly laid out. "Welcome to your matric dance shop," she said as the girls arrived in their jeans and T-shirts.

Minutes later, they were transformed, each with a radiant smile and a dress perfectly suited to her body type and personality. There was no fighting - each girl seemed to know exactly which dress was meant for her.

They wore their outfits with pride, and seemed to be checking to make sure the fairytale was real as they stroked their jewellery, smoothed their dresses over their hips and held their feet aloft to admire their shoes.

Part of their joy was the relief of knowing their parents wouldn't have to struggle to find the money needed to fulfil this important rite of passage.

"Now we can start our exams stress-free," said 17-year-old Sandra Nyathi from Supreme Education College.

Best of all, the soon-to-be beauties of the ball get to keep their glass slippers and everything else!