SMS from +27790631051 ( 079 063 1051) - Wounds That Can't Be Seen

Hi All,

I received the weirdest SMS last night. It came from a Vodacom number (079 063 1051) and went something like this:

"richard, wounds that cant be seen are more painful than those that can be seen and cured by a doctor, to humiliate another person is to make him suffer an unnecessarily cruel fate."

Now, I would simply have deleted it and thought nothing of it, but Sue got exactly the same message (with her name instead of mine at the front).

Does anyone know what this is about?.... Please mail or leave a comment here.

Cheers

A History Of Thanksgiving :: A Comical Look At Thanksgiving

A History of Thanksgiving

1492 - Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.

1620 - Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.

1671 - First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.

1701 - At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.

1776 - Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.

1812 - At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."

1860 - At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.

1903 - Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.

1928 - To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.

1929 - Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.

1957 - Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.

1969 - The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around.

1991 - When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.

1997 - Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.

2002 - America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. Saddam Hussein is caught trying to smuggle Turkeys filled with WMD's in containers bound for the US.

Matric Dresses - How Old Matric Dresses Saved The Year

By Kanina Foss (Story originally from www.iol.co.za)

A simple idea has turned a stressful situation into a fairytale for 18 schoolgirls from Soweto who were facing their matric dances without enough money to buy dresses.

Fairy godmother Michelle Lissoos was approached by a cleaner at her company who told her she couldn't afford to make her daughter's big night as special as she deserved.

Lissoos, who - when she's not making matric girls' dreams come true - is the managing director of Learnthings Africa, knew that many of her friends had old dresses, shoes and jewellery that they never wore.

She put two and two together to come up with a plan that gained a surprising amount of momentum as more women heard about it.

"The women really rose to the occasion. They have things in their cupboards that they don't want to throw out, but they are happy if they know it's going to a good cause," she said.

The dresses started arriving - slinky gold silk, cheeky turquoise frills, full-bodied ball gowns, seductive crushed velvet and floral beaded bodices.

The accessories came too - strappy sandals with sexy high heels, and glittery handbags with delicate clasps.

In Soweto, word spread, and Lissoos started getting calls from other mothers who had daughters in matric.

"One mother started crying when she saw her baby all dressed up," Lissoos said.

On Sunday, 12 of the girls visited Lissoos together to choose their dresses. Lissoos wanted to make the experience like shopping at a boutique.

The dresses were hung on a rail and the shoes and accessories were neatly laid out. "Welcome to your matric dance shop," she said as the girls arrived in their jeans and T-shirts.

Minutes later, they were transformed, each with a radiant smile and a dress perfectly suited to her body type and personality. There was no fighting - each girl seemed to know exactly which dress was meant for her.

They wore their outfits with pride, and seemed to be checking to make sure the fairytale was real as they stroked their jewellery, smoothed their dresses over their hips and held their feet aloft to admire their shoes.

Part of their joy was the relief of knowing their parents wouldn't have to struggle to find the money needed to fulfil this important rite of passage.

"Now we can start our exams stress-free," said 17-year-old Sandra Nyathi from Supreme Education College.

Best of all, the soon-to-be beauties of the ball get to keep their glass slippers and everything else!

Top 10 Differences Between Cats & Dogs

1. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you.
2. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.
3. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.
4. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper. Cats might bring you a dead mouse.
5. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.
6. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.
7. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.
8. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.
9. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.
10. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

Cat Quotes

Cat: A pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs and patronizes human beings. - Oliver Herford

Some people say man is the most dangerous animal on the planet. Obviously those people have never met an angry cat. - Lillian Johnson

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose. - Garrison Keillor

If cats could talk, they would lie to you. - Rob Kopack

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. - Doug Larson

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you. - Mary Bly

Legal vs Moral

This article was taken from news24.co.za. Credit paid where credit is due!!!!!!
13/10/2008 09:07 - (SA)

Colleen Figg

Everyone knows the small print on service contracts is a means for the supplying company to wriggle out of certain obligations in the event of something going wrong.

Once you've passed the legal majority, signed your first contract and had a run-in when you have tried to cancel it because it is not providing you with what was promised, you are unpleasantly familiar with the slippery slope that is a company's actual legal responsibility to you.

However, back in the dark ages when companies first became established there was a tacit acceptance on the part of the supplier that his legal obligation was not the only one he actually had to his customers.

There was the much more subtle, yet equally important, moral responsibility which has become something of a dirty word in today's money whoring business world.

A moral responsibility exists to fulfil a contract to, or understanding with, your client. Hence, if you recommend that he uses a certain kind of flooring that is absolutely intolerant of rainy conditions when he lives on a flood plain, you would have a moral obligation to replace his damaged floors after the first flood, at no charge.

Today's "businessmen" want no truck with such nonsense: you signed the contract, you promised to pay, now cough up - is it his fault you had rains for two weeks? Is he God? Quite clearly not, so fork over and shut up about it why don't you?

In fact had you read the terms of the contract you would have seen that he specifically exonerated himself from any obligation concerning flood damage! More fool you. Why don't you get with the programme?

A moral duty

The double whammy here is that not only are you shafted - almost literally and not in any pleasurable way - you are made to pay for the pleasure too! Unfortunately from a legal perspective the slimy conmen are quite right - it was on the contract and you did sign it.

The good news is that last week I discovered two gentlemen who do not fall into this morally reprehensible majority when I discovered that since I moved down here my wireless internet coverage does not work; well, I mean there is no coverage here.

The first few people I spoke droned on about contracts and legalities, fine print and signatures and would not let me upgrade my contract or change to another one.

But these two exceptional men realised they as supplier have a moral duty to me as a client, that far exceeds their legal liability and which may even outweigh the latter, in fact.

I'm not allowed to disclose any names at the moment, or any company names. Nothing has been resolved and they are still working to find a way around the situation that will help me, their client.

They are in constant contact with me via e-mail and phone, and the last thing one of them said to me today was that it completely defeats the object of his job to have an unhappy client who they could have helped if people were only interested in looking at a thing from a different angle.

Bravo, I say!

Strange Statements Made During Job Interviews

"Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."

"I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."

"I never get hungry."

"I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."

"If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."

"I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."

"My legs are really hairy."

"I think I'm going to throw-up."

"At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."

"I feel uneasy indoors."

"Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

"Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."

You might be in Education if

1. You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick.
2. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
3. You believe "shallow gene pool" should have it's own box on the report card.
4. When out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at a child you do not know and correct their behavior.
5. When you mention "vegetables" you're not talking about a food group.
6. You think people should be required to get a government permit to reproduce.
7. You laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the "lounge".
8. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
9. You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
10. You think caffeine should be available to staff in IV form.
11. You want to choke a person who says, "Oh, you must have such fun every day. This must be like playtime for you."
12. Meeting a child's parents instantly answers the question, "Why is this kid like this?"

Strange Celebrity Quotes

You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. - Mike Tyson

The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse. - Jacqueline Kennedy

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. - Joan Rivers

I'd rather be dead than singing "Satisfaction" when I'm forty-five. - Mick Jagger

It's a drag having to wear socks during matches, because the tan, like, stops at the ankles. I can never get my skin, like, color coordinated. - Monica Seles

Sometimes I feel like an old hooker. - Cher

Insults With Class

Insults With Class!

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" -- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." -- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." -- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." -- Mark Twain

Answers on the SAT's - Monday Morning Funnies

Actual SAT Test Answers in Arkansas

S.A.T. TEST QUESTIONS

The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the US President someday.)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.) A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Land Rover Midrand :: The Response From Land Rover Midrand About NNS 682 GP

If you are reading this, it's a saga of epic proportions. My Landy (Story Here) was an absolute lemon. After several discussions and meetings, this was the last I heard from Land Rover Midrand.

If you want the story behind the story, click here.

This was the response I got.

Good Morning Richard

Thank you for your letter dated the 19th March 2007. We acknowledge the content and wish to apologize for any inconvenience caused through all the breakdowns you have experienced with the vehicle. I can assure you that should we have known that this would be the case we would have never sold you the vehicle the vehicle was in a mint condition at the time of sale and underwent the 126 point check to verify that all is in good working condition.

As for the three options you presented in your letter I would like to advise you that the first two are totally out of the question. As for the third response I have agreed to try and locate a similar vehicle, this will mean that we start from the beginning by taking condition and mileage into account and then structure a deal.

The vehicles you listed below might be an option, but please understand that we are part of the McCarthy group and first prize would be if we sourced a vehicle within our group which we are confident with, regards condition and history to assist you in replacement of your old vehicle. Please note that McCarthy is not obliged to take your vehicle back and or replace it. The vehicle has been and will be repaired under the terms and conditions as set out in your purchase agreement. However in our constant strive to deliver exceptional service I agreed that we will try and source a similar vehicle and then structure a deal to suit both parties with no profit in for the dealer.

You have to also remember you have had the use of this vehicle for a year and have done approximately 30000km since taking delivery. I would like to advise you that the gearbox experienced no damage and that it was only the torque converter that failed. If all goes according to plan the vehicle should be repaired by early next week.

Please note that we are trying to source a vehicle to assist you in going forward. Should you need anymore information please do not hesitate in contacting me.

Once again we do apologize for any inconvenience caused through the defects on you're vehicle.

Kind Regards


Marius Prinsloo
Dealer Principal
Land Rover Midrand


Interesting that this man does not "Live The Brand" as Land Rover's advertising suggests, but rather "Keep The Cash", an age old client service misnomer.

Land Rover Discovery Problems - NNS682GP - DO NOT BUY This Land Rover Discovery

Well, for those of you that know me have, undoubtedly heard of my Land Rover Discovery saga. I've had massive and monumental issues with this Discovery. My story is below. If you feel you want to contribute, please leave a comment.

This is a letter I send to Land Rover Midrand after the 10th time the vehicle had been their for repairs.


Dear Marius,

Further to our discussion on Tuesday 13th March 2007, I wish to record the following facts.

I own a 2002 Land Rover Discovery Series 2 TD5 ES, registration number NNS682GP, purchased from your Land Rover dealership in Midrand early in 2006 for approximately R 220 000 and with 103 000 km in mileage.

In the year that I have owned this vehicle, several minor and three major mechanical failures have occurred. These are:

Minor Failures

1. Active Cornering Enhancement light on the dashboard shines amber after approximately 80 km of normal freeway driving. This indicates (according to the driver’s manual) that the ACE system has locked up and is no longer performing its task effectively.
   
• No action taken as problem could not be recreated by LR Midrand technician. Please see below for problems still existing.
• This problem accounts for 2 visits to LR Midrand.
  
• The first time this problem occurred was the second day I drove the vehicle.
  
2. ABS, Traction Control & Hill Descent Control warning lights come on simultaneously, indicating failure.
   
• First occurrence:- Nico reset onboard computer
  
• Second occurrence (3 days after reset):- Replaced front ABS sensors
  
• Third occurrence:- Replaced front ABS hub
  
3. Vehicle splutters at approx. 2500 rpm when it’s wet.
   
• No noticeable action taken. Please see below for problems still existing.
4. Massive quantities of diesel leaking from rear (tank area) once vehicle was switched on
• Pickup pipe replaced. This was apparently part of a recall that was executed on the vehicle, but not executed correctly. (according to Nico)
5. Severe lack of acceleration below 2000 rpm
• Mass Airflow Sensor replaced.

Major Failures

1. ACE high pressure piping bursts and sprays engine bay with highly flammable fluid.
• Single ACE pipe was found to have been rubbing up against another pipe and had burst.
• Vehicle towed to LR Midrand on flatbed.
• Pipe replaced.
• Approx. 2 weeks taken to repair vehicle
2. Valve spring breaks
• Valve spring replaced.
• Approx. 1 week to diagnose and 1 week to repair.
  
3. Torque converter casing cracks and fails.
• Vehicle towed to LR Midrand on flatbed on 13th March 2007.
• This is ongoing as the vehicle is still in your workshop.
• I have just spoken to Charlene. It appears that the warranty providers have not sent an assessor out to authorise the repair yet. Tomorrow will be the second week that you have my vehicle simply standing in your workshop.

Including one standard 120 000 km service in 12 months, this vehicle has stood in your workshop with mechanical problems a total of 10 times.

On top of the numerous reliability issues detailed above, the following problems still exist:

• Active Cornering Enhancement light on the dashboard still lights up amber after approximately 80 Km of freeway driving, irrespective of speed, load or driving conditions.
• Once the vehicle has been driven through standing water (even in mild rain), it splutters around the 2500 rpm mark for approximately 15 or 20 minutes afterwards.

These problems have been identified, by me, to several service advisors on several different occasions at your Land Rover dealership, but to date, have not been rectified.

Based on the above facts and my experience with this vehicle, I believe that I have purchased a lemon. If it was not for the fact that a 2 year warranty was provided when I purchased this vehicle from your Land Rover dealership, I would be out of pocket to the tune of approximately R 100 000.00 for repairs. (I believe that this figure will be higher once the final costs of the torque converter failure have been calculated.)

To date, other than the ACE system and the vehicle spluttering when wet, each failure was repaired by your workshop, covered by the warranty and has not failed since. This is not the issue. My issue is the total lack of reliability present in this vehicle. I no longer have enough faith in this vehicle to transport me to work and back, never mind taking my family on holiday, camping for the weekend or overland on holiday.

With this in mind and based on my horrid and extended experience with Land Rover, I believe that, in supporting your brand, you have one of three options in this regard. These are:

• Relieve me of this vehicle, refund my initial deposit to me & settle the outstanding finance on the vehicle. I will purchase another brand of off-road vehicle & part ways with Land Rover totally. (This is, by far, the most appealing option to me)
• I take the vehicle to an independent Land Rover specialist. They test the vehicle and detail all faults. Land Rover repairs all faults found at no cost to me. You also provide me with a further 2 year extended warranty & maintenance plan once the existing warranty runs out. (This is the least appealing option for me)
• You source another Land Rover Discovery of the same specification for me & I return the existing vehicle to you. Based on my previous experience with Land Rover, this vehicle must come with an extended warranty and maintenance plan covering a minimum of 2 years from the time I take delivery of the new vehicle.

You indicated, at our discussion, that you would source another Land Rover Discovery (IE Option 3). You also intimated that it may take some time to source such a vehicle. Looking on the Land Rover Approved website (www.lrapproved.co.za), several vehicles of this nature exist. I list them below:

1. Pretoria Land Rover
• 2004 TD5 ES auto (R 249 000)
• 2003 V8 ES auto (R 213 000)
2. Waterford Land Rover
• 2002 TD5 ES auto (R 199 000) (Autotrader lists this vehicle as R 179 000)
3. Sandton Land Rover
• 2002 TD5 ES auto (R 290 000) (Value might be a typo)
4. Tygervalley Land Rover
• 2006 TD5 ES auto (R 255 000) (Year model might be a typo)

Looking at the Autotrader website (www.autotrader.co.za), the following vehicles are in stock:

1. Autotec Land Rover (Mpumalanga)
• 2003 V8 ES auto (R 248 000)
2. East Rand Land Rover
• 2003 TD5 ES auto (R 235 900)
3. Cape Town Land Rover
• 2003 V8 ES auto (R 219 000)

Based on the above, sourcing a vehicle similar to mine might not be such a tough task. It appears that Land Rover has 5 in stock within 1 hour’s drive of your location.

Please understand, I do not expect anything that I have not paid for. I require a working & reliable vehicle that can execute the tasks it was designed for and is of the same specification levels as the vehicle I purchased from you.

It would be appreciated if you could respond to this email by no later than the close of business on Friday 23rd March 2007 with your comments and thoughts on the above.

I may be forced to take this matter up with McCarthy, Land Rover South Africa and/or the Retail Motor Industry Ombudsman should the outcome of this matter not be to my satisfaction or within my timelines.

Should you wish to discuss this matter further, please feel free to contact me on the details listed below.

Yours faithfully
Richard Shearer

The Point Of Marriage

This little post was given to me by the most wonderful woman. Thought I'd reproduce it and share!!!! It's by Ranier Maria Rilke (from Letters)

"The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one on which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of their solitude, and thus they show each other the greeatest possible trust.

A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both of their fullest freedom and development.

But once the realisation is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side by side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky".

A Little About Me

OK.... So it's been a while....... I've not had too much to say, but now, some things have changed... Some have gotten better and some have stayed the same.....

31 October 2008 - Time for an update

Here we go... in point form:

• I'm 39 (Big FOUR OHHHHH in Dec), (42 In December now!!!!!)
  
• I'm divorced, (Still divorced......)
  
• Two amazing kids (Mika & Michaela - both 6) (Kids are 9 now and about to go to Grade 4)
  
• Typical South African male - enjoy the outdoors & a great braai (Barbeque for all of you from across the pond) (Yup... no changes here)
  
• Born in Leeds (UK)
• Moved to SA when I was 3
• Have 2 sisters (Nicola & Tina)
• Grew up in Boksburg (Someone has to)
• Live in Midrand
• Drive a Landy Disco (Canned the Disco - Land Rover spent R 120K on the damn thing in a year..... Now drive a Nissan Pathfinder)
  
• Mom & Dad are retired (Think it's the busiest they have ever been)
• Work in the Internet industry (Work in the telecommunications industry)
  

OK...... If I get the urge... or someone asks really nicely, I'll post some more....

Cheers

R

100 Things You Need To Know About Women

100 things you need to know about women. From Maxim Online, which means at least 40% of the list is sexist, 40% of it you should already know unless you're a 40-year old virgin, and the remaining 20% will teach you something.

• 94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
• 89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
• 82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.
• 75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.
• 73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
• 72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice
• 70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
• 67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”
• 66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
• 57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
• 52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
• 46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.
• 41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.
• 30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21
• 23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
• 2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

Full List

Nudist Kids - Nudist Beaches & Kids

Have a look at my other blogs while you are here:

• Organic Gardening 
• Camping Gear 
• Home Made Soap 
• Fly Fishing 

Each link will open in a new page (or tab)

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Nude Beach
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger 'units' than his dad.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, The boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother,

"Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

---

At The Y
A little boy gets lost at the YMCA and accidentally wanders into the women's locker room. When he is spotted, the room bursts into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watches in amazement and then asks, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

---

Seatbelts
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!

As I was trying to compose an appropriate explanation for the kids, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back-seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

---

Johnny & Janey
Little Johnny is telling Janey about the backyard at his new house.

"You know, there's a nudist club next door to us," says Johnny.

"Really?" exclaims Janey. "How do you know that?"

"Well, I got a look at them through a hole in the fence, and everybody was naked!"

"Naked!" replies Janey. "Were there boys and girls together?"

"I couldn't tell," Johnny admits. "None of them had any clothes on."

---

Old Nudists

There were a couple of old gals in the local nursing home who were getting a little bored with the lack of excitement in their surroundings. They decided to liven things up and took their clothes off and walked through the local male gathering area in the buff.

One of the men poked the other one and asked if he had seen what just went by. The other replied yep he had seen it and whatever it was it sure did need ironing

---

A Great HTML Error Page

Google lets slip talk of online storage service - Yahoo! News

Google lets slip talk of online storage service - Yahoo! News

Google Inc. is preparing to offer online storage to Web users, creating a mirror image of data stored on consumer hard drives, according to company documents that were mistakenly released on the Web.

The existence of the previously rumored GDrive online storage service surfaced after a blogger discovered apparent notes in a slide presentation by Google executives published on Google's site after its analysts presentation day last Thursday.

"With infinite storage, we can house all user files, including emails, web history, pictures, bookmarks, etc and make it accessible from anywhere (any device, any platform, etc)," the notes in the original Google presentation state.

Chief Executive Eric Schmidt in his presentation made a cryptic comment that one goal of Google was to "store 100 percent" of consumer information

Retrosexuals

Please allow me to vent. I have had it! I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more!

Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual -- bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the "Retrosexual" movement.

The Code:

• A Retrosexual man, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
• A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that only loosely fit that term because they are biologically female.
• A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
• A Retrosexual not only eats red meat; he often kills it himself.
• A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still reading, learning, growing and can manage a drink now and again, I salute you. If you are still having sex with your wife, you are a legend.
• A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly two endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
• A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic or Abercrombie when he's 30 years old.
• A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
• A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" or "Queen" in the title.
• A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
• A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
• A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT, and, when you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
• A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
• A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor or half Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor style knot.
• A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound that he can brag about.
• A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a hole straight, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
• A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus, it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up."
• Crying: There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a good bird dog, loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck or Jeep.
• When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you low-life" look on his face.
• A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation.
  
• A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married, engaged or in a serious healthy relationship, e.g., hunting, fishing, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance, or occasional drink.
• A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
• A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his vehicle in a snow bank.
• A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darned well wanted it to land. Except on his truck --that would happen only because of a "force of nature," and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or do both.
• A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any woman but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's). NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
• A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
• A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

This is the code of ethics for the Retrosexual man.