100 Things You Need To Know About Women

100 things you need to know about women. From Maxim Online, which means at least 40% of the list is sexist, 40% of it you should already know unless you're a 40-year old virgin, and the remaining 20% will teach you something.

• 94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.
• 89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.
• 82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.
• 75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.
• 73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.
• 72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice
• 70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.
• 67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”
• 66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.
• 57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.
• 52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.
• 46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.
• 41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.
• 30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.”—Rachel, 21
• 23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.
• 2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

Full List

Nudist Kids - Nudist Beaches & Kids

Have a look at my other blogs while you are here:

• Organic Gardening 
• Camping Gear 
• Home Made Soap 
• Fly Fishing 

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Nude Beach
A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

She told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

The boy pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger 'units' than his dad.

His mother replied, "The bigger they are the dumber the person is."

Again satisfied with this answer, The boy returns to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again. He promptly told his mother,

"Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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At The Y
A little boy gets lost at the YMCA and accidentally wanders into the women's locker room. When he is spotted, the room bursts into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watches in amazement and then asks, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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Seatbelts
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!

As I was trying to compose an appropriate explanation for the kids, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back-seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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Johnny & Janey
Little Johnny is telling Janey about the backyard at his new house.

"You know, there's a nudist club next door to us," says Johnny.

"Really?" exclaims Janey. "How do you know that?"

"Well, I got a look at them through a hole in the fence, and everybody was naked!"

"Naked!" replies Janey. "Were there boys and girls together?"

"I couldn't tell," Johnny admits. "None of them had any clothes on."

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Old Nudists

There were a couple of old gals in the local nursing home who were getting a little bored with the lack of excitement in their surroundings. They decided to liven things up and took their clothes off and walked through the local male gathering area in the buff.

One of the men poked the other one and asked if he had seen what just went by. The other replied yep he had seen it and whatever it was it sure did need ironing

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A Great HTML Error Page

Google lets slip talk of online storage service - Yahoo! News

Google lets slip talk of online storage service - Yahoo! News

Google Inc. is preparing to offer online storage to Web users, creating a mirror image of data stored on consumer hard drives, according to company documents that were mistakenly released on the Web.

The existence of the previously rumored GDrive online storage service surfaced after a blogger discovered apparent notes in a slide presentation by Google executives published on Google's site after its analysts presentation day last Thursday.

"With infinite storage, we can house all user files, including emails, web history, pictures, bookmarks, etc and make it accessible from anywhere (any device, any platform, etc)," the notes in the original Google presentation state.

Chief Executive Eric Schmidt in his presentation made a cryptic comment that one goal of Google was to "store 100 percent" of consumer information

Retrosexuals

Please allow me to vent. I have had it! I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more!

Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual -- bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the "Retrosexual" movement.

The Code:

• A Retrosexual man, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
• A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that only loosely fit that term because they are biologically female.
• A Retrosexual DEALS with IT. Be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
• A Retrosexual not only eats red meat; he often kills it himself.
• A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still reading, learning, growing and can manage a drink now and again, I salute you. If you are still having sex with your wife, you are a legend.
• A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly two endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
• A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic or Abercrombie when he's 30 years old.
• A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
• A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" or "Queen" in the title.
• A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
• A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a frou-frou, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
• A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT, and, when you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
• A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
• A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor or half Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor style knot.
• A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound that he can brag about.
• A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a hole straight, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
• A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus, it's just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things that just need a little "wakin' up."
• Crying: There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a good bird dog, loss of a major body part, or loss of major body part on your Ford truck or Jeep.
• When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you low-life" look on his face.
• A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation.
  
• A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married, engaged or in a serious healthy relationship, e.g., hunting, fishing, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance, or occasional drink.
• A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
• A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20 mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his vehicle in a snow bank.
• A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darned well wanted it to land. Except on his truck --that would happen only because of a "force of nature," and then the retrosexual man's options are to Cry, or to DEAL WITH IT, or do both.
• A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any woman but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's). NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
• A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
• A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!

This is the code of ethics for the Retrosexual man.

Translating What Women Say

What they say VS. What they mean........

1. Fine - This is the word ladies use at the end of any argument that they feel
   they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to
   describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those
   arguments.
2. Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so she feels that it’s an even trade.
3. Nothing - This means something and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.
4. Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows) - This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
5. Go Ahead (normal eyebrows) - This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
6. Loud Sigh - This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
7. Soft Sigh - Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
8. Oh - This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.
9. That’s Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in
   conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
10. Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.
11. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you’re welcome.
12. Thanks A Lot - This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”

Translating What Men Say

The Man Translator: (What he says and what he means)

1. I really get into talking about my feelings...I'll talk about feelings if it gets me into your pants.
2. I go out with my buddies at least once a week...I'm dating other women.
3. I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now...wanna do it?
4. I still really value you as a friend...I still want you for booty calls.
5. My career has always been my top priority...I have a 2" penis.
6. The sexiest thing about you is your mind...You're not that attractive, but I'll still sleep with you.
7. This is so special. Let's keep it between us...I'd be totally humiliated if anyone knew we were dating.
8. She has nothing to do with us...I don't even think about you when I sleep with her.
9. My pager is the best way to reach me...I'm married.
10. I think we should slow things down for a while...Oh shit, I think I'm falling in love.
11. I don't believe in sex before marriage...I think I'm gay but humor me for a few months, ok?

Joke - Three Little Pigs

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said,
"Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class,

"And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said,

"I think he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.